This is a chapter in my new book Anti-hero which talks about the roles people play and why some people choose to be “villains”.
There are people who are Controllers, and they often define others and try to control them, but in their mind, the live in an Illusion and make up everything that they know about the other person. The person who experiences this is the Witness.
If you think you are a Controller and you are pretending to know someone better than themselves, you can dispel the Illusion. Knowing is already half the battle.
If you think you are a witness and you have heard defining statements about someone else or yourself, you can explain to yourself how people under the Illusion are acting irrationally and that they are not there to hear the truth, you have a choice to end the engagement or disconnect.
Many Controllers want to change but some are under the Illusion for so long that they feel that it is part of their identity. They may also be in other groups that reinforce the Illusion and are under the influence of culture and other environmental factors that make it hard to change.
While talking to someone close about their behavior, I get this response, “I don’t want to be empowered. I will not change.” I understand where they are coming from because they don’t have to relate to a real…
